now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
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Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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