There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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