I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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