She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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