where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
