Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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