you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
