I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
