Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Me. At least after what I've been through.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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