he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
