remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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