I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
