Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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