remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
