Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just threw up on my dentist
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
