So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
