you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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