Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
