Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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