so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
