He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
