in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
