I'm really into asian looking animals
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
