Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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