Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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