cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
operation have a gay friend backfired
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
