OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
