I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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