im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
