On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
