She's JV to your varsity
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
