So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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