I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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