I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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