grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
