in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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