did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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