They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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