I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My cat gives me a boner
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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