i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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