we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
