how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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