Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
