FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
