She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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