I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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