Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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