Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
