im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
