Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
