My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
