I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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