It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
