I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
