I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
