my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
