haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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