it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
