Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
