not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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