wakey wakey hands off snakey
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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