We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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