I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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