plz talk dirty to me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
