Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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