i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is wine microwaveable?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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