Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
