At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
