Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
