not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
